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The Dirge Adagio

from Home Is A Luxury by The Phoenix Odyssey

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The Dirge Adagio
I cannot believe it’s been half a year. If I can guess, I believe my birthday was last week. So this is roughly April…15th, 2101. I’m such a wreck…My God…I am so sorry. Forgive me for the inhumane thing I have done. I’m wrecked. I abandoned you. You were my everything. I swear if I had the power, I’d make you be here with me. But instead, you’re a fading memory and I’m in desolation. My world has crumbled beneath me and I have nothing left. I hope that one day soon we will be reunited once more. I miss your embrace, God, I miss it. You made life worth living and now you’re gone, gone forever. I hope you know how much you mean to me. I wrote this for you so I will never forget. This desolation is my sentence for leaving you to your death, and God, I will carry out my punishment.
I have traveled so far and have seen so much. I sincerely don’t know where I am. I died when you did. I’m not who I was back on Earth. When the earth shook and everything fell, I too fell with it. This person that I am today is not the person that left on the Phoenix six months ago. But I will never forget your image, for you have been sealed in my vision forever.
Please forgive me. If I ever see you again, I will never doubt God again. I’m truly a wanderer out here, and I haven’t the slightest idea of where I am headed. All that I know is that you wouldn’t want me to give up, so please give me strength and guidance. I’m so alone…I’m so alone. This craft is like a prison, my dear, and I feel as though the walls are caving in. I’m scared, I’m so afraid. The devil ridicules me with your image, and I know it’s not you, the real you.
I’m numb…and I feel like I’m drifting slowly into the stillness of space. I’m afraid right now. I’m afraid that this is it. That there is nothing more than me and the star system. And, Lord, that is terrifying. I pray for contact, for some gleaming light of hope in this hopeless circumstance. Baby, I’ll be with you soon. This is my prayer.

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from Home Is A Luxury, released December 22, 2009

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